The Back Burner Chick...

Its been a long while since I went on a date, months in fact since my last lunch with BK. Hence my lack of posts to this blog. I've become a little stubborn and reticent in my lapse I'm afraid.

So I meet this really interesting man recently at a site, www.afroromance.com, lets call him The Aussie... We met just before Thanksgiving and seemed to really hit it off.

Except that he never really called me. He would respond to my phone calls with text messages. Huh? So, I just stopped calling. Any man that is really interested in you is going to pick up the phone. I mean really, we sleep with our cell phone under our pillows... Is it really that hard? I'm not down for the bullshit.

So I send him this email (as I'm deleting him from my MySpace friends list), kinda like... What happened to you? Hope you found someone great...If not, you overlooked a really super girl...ME!! He emails back that he didnt think that I was interested in him? Needless to say it was SO VERY far from the truth, and I decided to give him another chance.

We had a single date and it was really awesome. He was absolutely everything that I was looking for... Smart, well educated, successful, sizzling hot with a sexy smile that made me want to handcuff him to the nearest bed post....so impossibly yummy... He seemed definite about what he wanted and even complained about all the frivilous girls he was meeting. He supposedly wanted to really get to know someone. Oh, when I say my heart skipped a beat...It sang with possibilities and danced until the sun came across the horizon. He was witty, fun and for the first time in a long while, I felt like I could relax in someone else's presence. Just be me, no pretense and no pretending.

10 days later, I am forced to give him the kiss off. Why? The same thing, text replies to my voice mail messages. I told myself I would give him a week to show me what he was made of and that he was really interested in getting to know me. I called him once a day and left messgaes. Even if he didn't call me back or just texted, I was going to keep on trying to see what kind of result I got.

And just from his behavior I could tell that I was that Back Burner Chick, the one that you keep because you like her, but not enough to pursue a relationship with...You keep around in case someone better comes along or your real plans fall through...The one that will jump through hoops for you because she likes you more than you like her. So after he broke our Saturday afternoon date by text, I was a little peeved. Honestly, I was angry and so over it. He actually calls this time and apoligizes. I'm cheerful and keep the conversation breezy and quick. He says he will call later. And then of course, he doesn't.

The next day, I will be in the area and text to say so. The response, Nah, I'm watching the game. OK, so it was the playoffs but GEEZ!!! Pick up the damned phone, dont respond by another flippin' text message!! I asked him to call me back really quick and he didn't. So I called HIM again and thanked him for his time. Wished him luck. And told him that obviously he was just not interested in getting to know me. On the voice mail, that is.

THEN he texts back saying, Wow, I heard your message,Ok, no problem... I told you we'd make it up sometime next week.

And I'm like, HUH??? But that's the thing about being the Back Burner Chick...Plans are never definite. They get broken without notice and the apology comes the day after, not the day before. You're the stand in, not the talent.

Well, my final text message to him...

The only way that we are going to get to know each other is by talking on the phone and having conversations. I call you and you don't call me back. You text me back. Maybe. And that tells me that you're just not interested in me. And that is perfectly OK. I just don't want to waste time or make a fool of myself chasing you. I think you're smart and interesting and gorgeous but maybe its not reciprocal.

Ok, so maybe I jumped the gun. I feel like I made a big mistake because he had so much potential. Don't get me wrong, he needs some SERIOUS boyfriend training...BF Bootcamp, haahaa but I could deal with that. The bottom line in that I've gotta have at least some self respect, right? Maybe he's not a phone person. Maybe he was hanging with the boys. Maybe he lost his voice from that cold...I dunno. What I DO know is that I didn't like the way I felt about the whole situation, that I was putting myself out there with out reciprocity. That my obvious efforts to show how great I thought he was simply not being returned.

But most of all that I was forgetting what a wonderful, smart, interesting, funny, passionate and self respecting person that I was - just by allowing him to treat me that way.

Am I so shell shocked, so hurt by the past that I won't even give someone new the chance to show me something different? I truly don't want to get hurt again and its keeping me inside a prison of my own making. But it hurts to take chances. It burns to take risks that don't pay off. I'm still raw and I am looking for that one person who can be the salve my soul needs. The more I look around, the more I see what a really tall order that is. Either way, it sucks.