So I saw DC the other night. When I get there I am a little surprised to see a girl there. I introduce myself, apparently she walked over to flirt and throw herself all over him. She must be in her early 20s, long weave, generally pretty except for her gummy, gap toothed smile. My mouth smiles and hints pointedly hints at our meeting, should I come back? My tone says, Get this heifer out of here.

We talk business (we did!), liberally sprinkled with hard core flirting and little excuses to touch one another. The attraction is obvious between us and damn him, my power to resist him is not so strong as I would like it to be.

He keeps reaching for me, touching me in little ways that drive me mad and make me forget whatever I was saying at the time. I move my legs out of the way, Stop It, I say, I'm putting the kebosh on you. He replies, I like the way that sounds, ke-bosh, does it hurt?

I laugh, You wouldn't like it if you knew what it means - I draw my finger across my neck and make a slicing sound, No more for you and No More red wine! We both laugh and he says, Speaking of... And he runs to his new bar to get a bottle and some glasses. I protest but its weak and half hearted. We both know I don't mean it.

We toast to his success and I begin my presentation again. With each sip my giggles get a little more giddy and we move a little closer, closer, closer... I excuse myself to the restroom, more to collect myself and scream silently than anything else.

When I step out, there he is, settled in the big comfy "make out" chair. I am tipsy by now and say, Can I sit Santa? We chit chat and I ask sweetly if he liked my presentation. He does and talks about his own past ventures, he has a track record of success and is just so sure of himself. We talk about how the times when women wore dresses and men wore suits, how we both feel like we belonged there. I tease him about all the girls calling, peeking over his shoulder and reading the names on his phone. He actually gets angry, feeling like I'm prying. I'm teasing you, I say. He says, There are lots of girls and we are friends, nothing happens, beautiful drop dead gorgeous girls and nothing has happened. He says I'm all in his business, You can't be all in my business like that. I laugh and grab his face, I'm teasing you, really. Relax. Re-lax, I say. He's still mumbling under his breath, so I consider the consequences for a single second before I kiss him to shut him up.

What follows is a little too racy to mention and all I can say is that neither of us was left without a VERY clear idea of how good it could be between us sexually. Amazing really, just fantastic! The exchanged "Freebies" aside, I want more than the physical.

I was elated at first and then the remorse set in. Am I getting off on the wrong foot? Am I setting things up so I won't be respected and won't be better than a quick fix here and there?

I don't want to be part of a stable, I want to be the ONLY one. I deserve to be first, the one and only. I deserve respect and consideration, I deserve to be able to give my body and heart freely without worrying about what will happen tomorrow. Or WON'T happen tomorrow, like a phone call or a date. I deserve more, I deserve the best.

I've never had the conviction before my now-ex, that I was worthy of respect. If anything it was the opposite - I was used and never considered as more than a sex object or a play thing. I was good enough for sex but not a deep loving relationship. I know that I am now. Conducting myself differently is the first and hardest step in guaranteeing I get the treatment I deserve..

I did speak to him and let him know that I feel like we went too far, and should just cool it. He was a little puzzled, but I just said, I've been such a Good Girl for such a long time, I don't want to go back and mess it up. If you want to hang out and go for a martini sometime, I know a great place.

But Oh, Oh, Oooooh - letting go and enjoying the moment - living in that delicious desire induced haze- just feeels so good!! Oh, did it!! I'll be nibbling on those memories for weeks, hmmm...