Lessons learned in dating go along with lessons learned in life. My friend, let's call her "Cece" is the most ungrateful little urchin ever born, I swear. Selfish.So, she's supposedly starving and I take my last $20 and score us some yummy diner food (at nearly 11:30 at night). This is nothing unusal, we trade off and do it all of the time. After the feast, many laughs and usual gossip dish, her boyfriend calls. All of a sudden she can't get rid of me fast enough, like "Aren't you leaving." I mean, really... are you kidding? Its 1:30... My couch has a permanent imprint of her keister and she left her blankie over here from the last time...
She migrates to the bedroom and I hear her telling him I should get a life....Exxxxcccccuuuuuussssssssseeee ME?? This to the boyfriend who last Friday went out on a double date with a friend and told his parents he was with you?? She should get a clue.
She loves to act like the fact that I call her and want to spend time with her as some proof that I have nothing better to do (Huh??) I know better than to be stuck up some dude's rear end! It only gets you flushed into the septic tanks with all the other corn-studded rejects.
Which brings me to my first rant:
Things little girls (and big girls,too) shouldn't do in relationships...
1) Never criticize the family: At first he'll brush it off and act like it doesn't bother him, but one day you will go too far. Keep doing it and eventually he'll have to choose. Chances are, it won't be you.
2) Don't smother him: Calling to ask what he's doing a million times a day and getting angry when he doesn't call won't make him want to talk to you any more. If the calls are slipping and its suffice to speak to you every other day, ask yourself why. When he starts dating other girls, consider that the line he fed you "She's only a friend, I swear" is a complete lie. Don't listen.
3) Make yourself scarce: Spending too much time with the family is not a good thing. First, you get attached. Second, they get attached to you, or third - the worst alternative - they get sick of you all together. You are not their long lost daughter. Don't act like it. Be polite, be pleasant and don't show them the real you until WAY later. People are never as charming as they think they are.
4) Don't invite yourself to family functions: I repeat, you are NOT the daughter they gave up and have been searching for for 25 years. You have your own family. Eat Thanksgiving with your own parents, not his. Stop by with a nice desert for an hour. Be polite, keep smiling and leave quietly.
5) Always play the peacemaker: If he's arguing or fighting with someone, never fan the flames. Chances are they'll make up and you'll be left out in the cold. I repeat, NEVER come between a man and his family. You will not win, not in the long term.
6) Don't talk about marriage unless he brings it up: Don't even mention it. Why? Modern men don't respond to pressure to get married. This is not 1950. If he tells you he wants to get married at 35, believe him. Men are simple creatures, they don't lie about things like that. And if he has the keys to you apartment, even worse still. He won't ever pay for a gallon of milk again.
7) Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut: I'm not saying be a mute, but don't go spouting off at the mouth without noting his reaction. You'll learn more about what a man thinks by what he DOESN'T say that what he actually says. Or Does. You say, "I love you Billy" and he clears his throat and says, "Want a coke? I'm a little thristy myself..." Guess what chickadee...You ain't the one.
8) Never diss your friends: If you and the squeeze are going to the movies, say sayonara to the clique. But every Friday and Saturday night?? Remember, your friends were there before he entered the picture and will be there long after he exits. Good friends will understand your need for balance and a good boyfriend will encourage you to spend time with the girls, just like he wants to spend time with his. If not...well...read rule #2 again slowly.
9) Put yourself first: Keep doing the little things that make you happy. Your life does not revolve around the boyfriend, please believe me on this one. There was a reason that he liked you in the first place. But if you're not YOU anymore, but this whiney, needy, "why haven't you called me today" creature, where did the loveable girl go?? You're not the same and others with those qualities that you USED to have will get more and more interesting.
And Cardinal Rule #10....And this comes from Cece herself, when I got angry at her behavior she said, "You always over extend yourself and get mad when people don't do the same for you. When are you going to learn? " Hmmm, really?? I think it makes sense now...How about...
10) Don't over extend yourself: That's right, don't do the things that any woman would naturally do. Like my mother loves to say, "You want someone that loves YOU. If you're the one loving all of the time, you'll be miserable." Don't diss your friends, don't infiltrate his life, family or break up his friendship circle...Don't change his clothes or his hair...Keep being the you that he met!! Keep your eyes open and your mouth zipped. Look. Listen. And wait for the signs. A guy will let you know whether he's really interested in you or just passing the time by what he does for you, the words he speaks about you and how much time he makes available for you. You just have to listen.
Bonus Rule #11:
If a guy never wants to meet your friends or introduce you to his, you're not permanent. On the flip side, if he does it too quickly, then watch out...he's taking you through the screening process. Waiting about 4-8 weeks is a good time frame to meet the friends. If he keeps putting you off, consider looking elsewhere.
OK, I'm done. Dating rules to live by... I may be single and have no life, but I've lived long enough to know to navigate a little bit better than by hitting the rocks in the bed. Or the giant icebergs straight ahead.
1) Never criticize the family: At first he'll brush it off and act like it doesn't bother him, but one day you will go too far. Keep doing it and eventually he'll have to choose. Chances are, it won't be you.
2) Don't smother him: Calling to ask what he's doing a million times a day and getting angry when he doesn't call won't make him want to talk to you any more. If the calls are slipping and its suffice to speak to you every other day, ask yourself why. When he starts dating other girls, consider that the line he fed you "She's only a friend, I swear" is a complete lie. Don't listen.
3) Make yourself scarce: Spending too much time with the family is not a good thing. First, you get attached. Second, they get attached to you, or third - the worst alternative - they get sick of you all together. You are not their long lost daughter. Don't act like it. Be polite, be pleasant and don't show them the real you until WAY later. People are never as charming as they think they are.
4) Don't invite yourself to family functions: I repeat, you are NOT the daughter they gave up and have been searching for for 25 years. You have your own family. Eat Thanksgiving with your own parents, not his. Stop by with a nice desert for an hour. Be polite, keep smiling and leave quietly.
5) Always play the peacemaker: If he's arguing or fighting with someone, never fan the flames. Chances are they'll make up and you'll be left out in the cold. I repeat, NEVER come between a man and his family. You will not win, not in the long term.
6) Don't talk about marriage unless he brings it up: Don't even mention it. Why? Modern men don't respond to pressure to get married. This is not 1950. If he tells you he wants to get married at 35, believe him. Men are simple creatures, they don't lie about things like that. And if he has the keys to you apartment, even worse still. He won't ever pay for a gallon of milk again.
7) Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut: I'm not saying be a mute, but don't go spouting off at the mouth without noting his reaction. You'll learn more about what a man thinks by what he DOESN'T say that what he actually says. Or Does. You say, "I love you Billy" and he clears his throat and says, "Want a coke? I'm a little thristy myself..." Guess what chickadee...You ain't the one.
8) Never diss your friends: If you and the squeeze are going to the movies, say sayonara to the clique. But every Friday and Saturday night?? Remember, your friends were there before he entered the picture and will be there long after he exits. Good friends will understand your need for balance and a good boyfriend will encourage you to spend time with the girls, just like he wants to spend time with his. If not...well...read rule #2 again slowly.
9) Put yourself first: Keep doing the little things that make you happy. Your life does not revolve around the boyfriend, please believe me on this one. There was a reason that he liked you in the first place. But if you're not YOU anymore, but this whiney, needy, "why haven't you called me today" creature, where did the loveable girl go?? You're not the same and others with those qualities that you USED to have will get more and more interesting.
And Cardinal Rule #10....And this comes from Cece herself, when I got angry at her behavior she said, "You always over extend yourself and get mad when people don't do the same for you. When are you going to learn? " Hmmm, really?? I think it makes sense now...How about...
10) Don't over extend yourself: That's right, don't do the things that any woman would naturally do. Like my mother loves to say, "You want someone that loves YOU. If you're the one loving all of the time, you'll be miserable." Don't diss your friends, don't infiltrate his life, family or break up his friendship circle...Don't change his clothes or his hair...Keep being the you that he met!! Keep your eyes open and your mouth zipped. Look. Listen. And wait for the signs. A guy will let you know whether he's really interested in you or just passing the time by what he does for you, the words he speaks about you and how much time he makes available for you. You just have to listen.
Bonus Rule #11:
If a guy never wants to meet your friends or introduce you to his, you're not permanent. On the flip side, if he does it too quickly, then watch out...he's taking you through the screening process. Waiting about 4-8 weeks is a good time frame to meet the friends. If he keeps putting you off, consider looking elsewhere.
OK, I'm done. Dating rules to live by... I may be single and have no life, but I've lived long enough to know to navigate a little bit better than by hitting the rocks in the bed. Or the giant icebergs straight ahead.
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