It happened one night...

Last night DC and me finally connected again. I left him what I said would be my final message (for the 5th time) a week ago and left a message. I spent a (on the surface)fun weekend with the crew while sneaking longing looks at happy couples, feeling nostalgic and sentimental.

So, he finally calls me on Wed, days later and of course I'm my breezy, carefree self. How you been, I ask cheerily - tho I waver between emotions so fleeting and variable that even now I can't name them. Thought you got buried under some rubble or something, we laugh. We chat and small talk, he finally wants my marketing help. About time, I think and we agree to meet the next night.

I walk into his shop in my Banana casuals and the tough leather jacket I bargained off Sandy. He gives me one of those warm, long hugs that I like so much while I finger his suit and check him out (grrrr). I take a few photos as I wait for him to finish up and then we talk shop for about an hour.

He mentions he has somewhere to go and the cold pricks of jealousy take over, I've been looking around for a woman's touch. Trying to get a glimpse inside, what might be at work and looking for all the signs (any sign!) I may be missing. I play it cool but he notices that my mood shifts a little. And then he breaks out that damned red wine!

He pours like a pro, gently tipping the bottle and rolling it to the right to come to an easy stop. We talk about our lives and how we both used to ride horses, and reminisced about the day we met. He remembered the location exactly and I described the suit, and my impression that he was so much bull shit. There really was a Jersey, she was a nice girl, he says, it just didn't happen.

So what makes it happen, I ask. The flirt in me kicks in and I say, I've deleted your number so many times but you just got re saved. Oh really, he asks. Yes, I reply, when you're ready to stop dealing with the chicken-heads, you let me know. I've been waiting but I can't do it forever.

He gives me that same BS line about being busy but I reply that we make time for what's important to us. He's like, I'm ready now. Puleeze, I reply. I've been waiting on you since the day we met.

He leans in closer, by this time the lights are dim and the wine is almost gone. I turn towards him and look into his face and he sits back, a little thrown off balance I think. You're the real deal, he says, I can tell. I am, was my reply. My boldness is my saving grace and the lifeline I cling to because my insides are tied in knots. He leans in closer and finally the moment that I've been waiting for...six months of wishing and hoping...he kisses me... And.. Its.....amazing!!!!


Now I AM romanticising, but his lips were soft and firm, sure but so tentative, gently searching my mouth for willingness and finding acceptance. I did have to give him a little taste, not x rated, maybe PG-13. I pushed him back into the armchair and straddled, raining butterfly kisses across the bridge of his nose, his neck, and face, between passionate, playful kisses and some sexy hip action and rubbing on his... Rather sizeable companion :)))

What followed was a make out session for rainy days, lazy, leisurely, languid... He wanted to have sex, of course. I know my limits, I say when he hints, and so do you. He nodds and kisses me again. I am going to make this man respect me by being the Good Girl I know I can be. Its amazing but I'm not shy about making out with boys or even taking it further. I'm a grown woman, I have needs. But with him, I want more. How much more or what that means exactly, I don't know. (Ok, I DO know...) But at least there is the possibility of long term if I don't screw it up by sleeping with him right away :))

I may be fooling myself again or wishing for something that won't ever be... But I feel so different about him.